How I Defined My Market Audience

I am a person for hire, and looking for a job is a freaking drag (can I get a yes ma’am?!). The amount of resumes fluttering around the netscape these days is baffling, and, quite frankly, a load of hogswash and tomfoolery. I’ve decided to take a stand and say HELL NO to flailing my body.doc around with millions of other job seekers.

Instead, I’ve decided to take the idea of “marketing myself” to its extreme limits and literally market myself like a product for purchase. That way, I can lure employers to me rather than twist and break and fold my body a hundred-times over to fit each of their individual job applications.

Since I am by no means a marketing expert, I’ve been making my way through the Online Marketing Foundations course on Lynda.com to sharpen my skills. For my first assignment, I created a business strategy and promptly tweeted it to the course instructor, Brad Batesole. Having received positive feedback I moved on to my latest challenge: developing a customer strategy:

Screen Shot 2018-01-13 at 10.11.31 PM

Since it’s so early in the game, I’ve decided on my target audiences based partly on wishful thinking. I say “partly” because in an ideal world, all of my followers would be employers jumping at the bit to give me 6-figure salaries with 0-deductible health, vision, and dental benefits. On a more reasonable note, I’ll be happy to “fit the bill” at a respectable company, make my job seeking comrades laugh, and make charitable Mary Sues feel good about themselves.

How do you think I did? Let me know in the comments.

Stay tuned or hire me!

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Tweeting at Strangers

person-woman-apple-hotel.jpgI have decided to market myself online as a product for hire. On a related note, I have zero formal training in business/marketing/content strategy. Here are some acronyms that I know, followed by how I’m sure they ought to be pronounced:

  • ROI –> “Roy”
  • B2B –> “Bee-tube”
  • R&D –> “Randy” 😉
  • UI –> “Weee!”

In order to enrich my coin purse of business knowledge, I started the “Become a Content Strategist” learning path on Lynda.com (free with my library card!). It felt like the right place to start because my whole plan was to strategically put me-related content—business speak for “stuff” or “things” as far as I can tell—on the internet.

The first course on this learning path includes “Starting a Blog” under the “Content Marketing” section. Although I did not watch that part yet (it’s 10 units in, gimme a break) I did jump at the excuse to create yet another blog. And that, folks, is the story of why you are able to read this meticulously crafted written assemblage of my thoughts on the World Wide Web! Whether or not I’m doing in this in a way that will benefit my goal of employment has yet to be determined.

One of the first exercises that the instructor of this Lynda course, Brad Batesole, has students do is create a basic business strategy. So I created one, but I didn’t know what to do with it. So I took a flying leap, made a twitter account, and tweeted it to Batesole himself, certain that it would be lost in the ether of the Twittersphere. This was my tweet:

My hands sweated a little. I don’t know how the social politics of Twitter works! Is this rude? I don’t know this man! Does this make me awkwardly forward? I locked my phone and ate a bowl of cheesy rice. When I got the courage to look at my account, I had a notification for the following reply:

I HAD DONE IT! I had engaged humorously with a human so respected in the field of content strategy that he got to teach a course on Lynda.com (again, join your library, dweebs).

Now, I have yet to master the art of strategic hash tags and optimal @’s, but now I have 6 whole followers, which might sound pitiful to you, but it really feels like a triumph to me because I don’t know any of them personally—they found me (through search or serendipity) and felt like a “follow” would be worth it!

What makes an account “worth it” to you? If you laughed at my 6-pack of followers, WHAT’S YOUR SECRET?! I love (read: “am desperate for”) your input.

Stay tuned or hire me!

 

Welcome to Person for Hire

hand-the-hand-welcome-gesture-52716.pngHello, I am a person for hire. I started this blog to document my desperate scramble strategic plan to find a job that offers me a living wage and employer-sponsored health coverage and that doesn’t make me depressed.

My search feels especially urgent for plenty of reasons, many of which reveal my vanity and hubris :

  • I have a Masters degree/am congenial/was voted Most Likely to Succeed in high school/am supposed to be “the smart triplet” and yet I make less than $18,000 per year and significantly less after taxes.
  • I cannot afford a car payment for an actual car, so I drive a hand-me-down yellow (like, yellow yellow) 2004 Pontiac Sunfire that has shocks made of concrete (probably).
  • One of the highlights of my year was receiving a care package from my mother filled with mid-range toiletries like shaving cream and Dove body wash. (Thanks mum!)

and some which feel more justified, like:

  • A giant pile of student debt hangs from my neck like a filthy albatross.
  • I turn 26 in July of 2018, at which point I will age out of my dad’s sick union benefits. (Thanks dad!)
  • I wish to one day live in a house that I own.
  • I got so worked up over money this winter that I had an anxiety attack at work, and so I had to leave work, which made me more anxious because I lost a day of wages.

While there are plenty of ways to land a job these days, I’m going to try something new to me this time:

Shameless self promotion on social media!

I am going to approach my job search this time by marketing myself. I will be peddling myself as a product to be bought—the best product. Importantly, I know nothing about marketing, except that I have this niggling feeling that all marketing is predatory and evil, so I guess I’ll also be documenting my turn to the dark side as well—more on that later, I suppose.

I’ll be learning how to sell myself through trial and error, googling, and courses on Lynda.com. I do not pay for my subscription to Lynda because having fun isn’t hard when you have a library card! Join your library, dweebs.

You will enjoy this blog if you are

A. Looking for a job
B.
Looking for the best candidate for the job—ME
C.
The Miss Havisham of marketing look for her Pip
C. 
Deeply interested in the lives of strangers
D. Deeply interested in the life of your niece (thanks fam!)

I will enjoy this blog if you leave me comments to tell me how much you love me or to tell me how to be less bad at marketing.

Stayed tuned or hire me!